From what you may ask?
DIETS!!!
I have always been on the chunky side.
Even when I was a tot of 2 or 3 (which is how old I am in that picture)...I was a big kid. Not Fat just a bigger kid. Now anyone who has ever met my mother knows that she is decidely not big. My mom was (and frankly still is) pretty thin. Now here is the problem when a naturally thin person has a child who is naturally chunky...there is a severe disconnect between food and body image/size that can develop. My mom was one of those people who could (and did) eat whatever she wanted without gaining an ounce me on the other hand could seemingy gain weight just by thinking about food.
My mother (because she never had to) didn't know how to teach me how to have an appropriate relationship with food...her answer was to put me on a DIET. Believe it or not I went (or was put) on my first diet when I was 6. Since then I have been on every diet imaginable : Weight Watchers (8 times), Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, Atkins, South Beach, The Hot Dog diet, the grapefruit diet, the Cabbage Soup diet, and on and on. I have even had some successes losing up to 40-50 pounds BUT each time after I stopped the diet and went back to my old ways I have seemed to gain back what I lost and then some.
Complicating the issue is the fact that I love food! The culture and stories behind it. I watch the food network incessantly because it fascinates me. I love trying new restaurants. I love to cook! (and yes I am good at it) I love the creativity and versatility of cooking. If I wasn't a doctor...I would be a chef! (and frankly I still may go to culinary school). I love to make food for my friends...I even like preparing family dinners...and after a hard day or when I am stressed out there is nothing more relaxing than baking something (especially bread...cause kneading gets rid of a ton of stress). So it has really been a struggle to deal with my love for food...and my "hate" of food that has subconsciously developed from my decades spent Dieting.
But no more.
A "DIET" is not the answer. I have realized that whatever dietary changes I make, have to be like my comittment to activity... sustainable on a permanent basis and they must fit into my lifestyle. So I have decided to say no to "Diets" and yes to embracing a more wholistic lifestyle and thinking about what I put in my body. I recently have developed a passion for urban gardening (cause let's face it there is notihing better than a fresh ripe tomato off the vine. I appreciate the sweetiness and textures and tastes of fruit of all kinds. I am learning to enjoy the differences and textures of vegetables (some of which I had never before considered eating...like the sunchokes I had last week) and to focus my diet on other protein sources besides meat (quinoa and tofu are my new favorites...I think I am becoming as one would call it a flexitarian). I have learned that no individual food is bad...I just have to limit what I have and mind my portion (you know and just eat one brownie instead of the whole pan). That I can balance what I eat (you know if I have a cray heavy lunch...then lighter for dinner).
So as I work towards my goal for my 40th Birthday...I am really trying to embrace my new relationship with food and remain a permanent refugee from the diet wars.
Wish me luck!
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